A New Year

There's not much I can say about this lonely night. My parents have left and to a celebration in El Monte and I've taken the choice of staying home alone. 2011 has been a year of trying to find myself. Many lonesome nights just thinking of the same thing over and over. The year started with me on a bed, half drunk with one of my exes and tonight it ends with with me walking down Hollywood Boulevard, smoking a black and mild and with sirens around me. There is not much that I did this year besides gain a lot of enemies. I don't really hate or dislike people I just tend to avoid them. Don't see the point of wasting my human emotions on another human. My high school is a wasteland of teenage hormones going into action in the hallways and peer pressure trying to converge on many of the students I attend with. My household hasn't changed much. Everyday there is either an argument with my mother and I still avoid trying to make contact with my father. I've grown and addiction to alcohol and cigarettes. Even though I know I have to quit soon I still manage to find myself smoking every weekend. I don't plan a resolution for this upcoming year. Resolutions are for pussies that can't be honest with themselves. I don't even recall last year's resolution. I don't plan to change, that's for certain. What's the point of changing if I might not see the light of tomorrow. All I can say for now is fuck 2011 and fuck 2012. Bring on the new year and live your life like there is no tomorrow.

Joy Division

I've liked them for a good while but recently I began listening to them once again. Ironically, Ian Curtis killed himself out of depression. Thank god pills always help my ass out.

Quitting ain't easy.

Seriously. I need to quit smoking and drinking. It's slowly becoming a bad habit. It shows weakness. I'm becoming the person I don't want to become. I used to hate people that smoke and drink but I'm becoming that. Seriously, its fucking pathetic. I need to dedicate myself to track cycling and quit my bad habits before it gets worse and worse. In time I know I'll quit. Its fucking disgusting.

Last few weeks

Till the year is finally over. This Thursday is Nena's birthday. Last Saturday I got really drunk and managed to make it home somehow. This week I will be cutting down on that. FMLY Fest is just 2 weeks away so that's on my to-do list for sure. I still have tutoring on Geometry every damn Tuesday. I'm very glad that I don't have to see anyone from school for 3 weeks at least! I seriously want to end this year already!!!!!!

Same Old..

11 days into December. Christmas is close by and New Years is right afterwords. I've become obsessed with the word "Nostalgia". The word comes to my mind every single day. I try to use it ever day at school because for some reason I'm beginning to miss the past. I fight my demons every night and try to fight to live another day. My chest begins to hurt from time to time. I'm gaining weight. People are still ugly and I sometimes don't even want to go school. Friday night was All City Toy Ride. I saw some people that I used to call friends. I realized those idiots just act like the little pricks I see everyday at high school. If one doesn't like you then all of them don't. Seeing Chynna and Geo all busy for awhile made me want to help them. I sat in the front desk helping those that were donating toys and checking if people were on the RSVP list. At the corner of my eye I could see someone staring at me. One of the old MoM ridaz just dogging me. He would turn around talk with his pals and look back at me. Like if he wanted a fucking photograph. Good thing I left that damn group. With the exception of a few, most of them are just stuck being a fucking teenager. Especially the damn leader. Ever since Drooby left to Detroit the MoMz have died out. They look like some social club that doesn't really do anything besides look like a bunch of thugs at bicycle rides. I think if Drooby was still here everything would be better. He was the only one that always managed to motivate me to look at things in a different way instead of the fucked up reality we live in. Saturday was my mother's birthday. I went to go celebrate with my family and Evelyn Salgado at Tokyo Wako in Arcadia. It's basically like a Benihana. They celebrated and drank. On the way back home we talked about the past, our favorite things and she couldn't remember where she lived. I dropped her off and finally got home. Silently undressed and now I'm here writing only because I feel nostalgic.

~*LOS ANGELOPES*~

A short film Richie made of Los Angelopes 3 Years Anniversary.
Reminds me of the days when I would hang out with these guys non-stop

Bittersweet..

I've found some old letters. Letters in my iPhone that make me feel nostalgic. It takes me back to the beginning of the year. I don't know what to make up of these letters. I used to read them, smile, and fall asleep. Now they keep me awake just thinking about them. I'm slowly finding my life harder to live. I don't see myself in 20 years nor in 5. I wake up expecting not to have a great day but a rather boring shitty day. Gina makes me smile at least. I've grown a little bit detached from the past week but slowly we've been seeing each other. I wish she could cheer me up more. I guess she should just talk to me often instead of me doing the talking. Shayna's texts message are slowly fading. Today she blew up my phone with a ton of meows. Made me smile in 6th period. She knows me too well yet we are still strangers. Grisel is not really helping either. The only girl I trust besides my gf is having the best time of her life. Great seeing her recover from how she was a month ago. I tried my best to cheer her up and it worked. Manfredo is still Manfredo. Always saying the world is going to shit and he is gonna join the army so nothing much has changed. Track cycling is getting scarier. I've been drinking heavily on the weekends. Nothing bad, only for my liver. 2011 was a changing year for me I guess. Leaving Midnight Ridazz, finding love, fighting depression and finally rebuilding myself. I guess I'll just try not to think about life now and get some rest.

So like...

I made a tumblr due to Shayna convincing me good enough. I feel like a damn dirty hipster now. I'll probably use the blogspot as a journal. Well basically everything has been the same. Didn't celebrate thanksgiving but I did go to Black Friday like a boss. Got myself 2 shirts (Odd Future and Nirvana) and a brand spankin' new plasma. Didn't even make a long fucking line for it. Then we hit up Denny's at 5 am with my friend Esoj and my mom. Yesterday, I went riding with my friends Joseph, Eddie, Ruby, Nena, and Jessica. Finished off 6 4 lokos with them and got drunk. Got home at 2 am thinking my dad would be sleeping. Instead, I find him drunk drinking whiskey and listening to Pedro Infante, Jose Alfredo Jimenez and Leonardo Favio. I was gonna knock out and try to act all cool until he offered a bottle of Jack. Fuck. So we drank and sang until I knocked out like at 5. Now I have a massive fucking hangover. Its been a good week.


Those who want to follow me on tumblr here is my url: elpalucha.tumblr.com.

Vagabond (Pt.2)

I kinda like the acoustic version better.

Na, na-na, na-na, na-na, this charming man ...

I always say have no regrets. Ironically, I sometimes can't follow my own philosophy..

Gaining.

I'm gaining weight. Excessively. I eat like a pig now. Depression got me down to weigh 130. I now weigh about 163. I started lifting weights. My fucking arms hurt like hell. So do my legs. I know the Velodrome is gonna work me out eventually but hey I'm getting back in shape. Protein Shakes, Bicycles and Weights. Good lifestyle.

Indifference...

Sometime people should take life more simple. Be indifferent about everything. Don't care about anything. My teacher kicked me out today and she was so surprised when I got up and walked out. Showed me a lot about life. I ain't in trouble and I really don't mind. So yeah. Be Simple. Stay Indifferent.

Philosophy..

S...

It's basically been 5 years or so. I remembered when I first met her back at Burroughs. After that a long gap of nothing. Recently, we started talking through Facebook. We started calling each other cool and stuff and little by little we started talking through text. Now I look forward to texting her and stuff. Getting a good morning and a goodnight. I haven't seen her yet she has become something important in my life. We've gotten to know each other throughout a social network and throughout blogs. I look at her Tumblr and she looks at my Blogger. Its funny because I trust this girl with my life and I haven't even seen her face to face yet I can't trust a damn kid at my school. Crazy how life can change when you start talking to a stranger...

11:11

I rode my bike. I wished for something. My past popped into my head but I must look forward. The world isn't beautiful but I should at least try to make things better while I still can. Same old depressing bullshit with my life.

The Thin Line...

There is a thin line between sanity and insanity. Many have crossed it yet don't recognize it. I've crossed it a few times with the help of alcohol and music. I tend to listen to The Smiths when I'm looking for answers. I wake up to Mos Def and feel like jumping off stuff with bicycle. I gather up speed. Bend my legs and jump. I cross the line without noticing it due to the excitement. But I do notice when i'm not on my bicycle. I listen to music and just gather up my emotions. My face looks emotionless. Its the moment when I want to attack anything in my way. 6'1 wearing a hoodie and a chrome bag with no emotion in my face. Not a good sign. I evaluate everything I see. I notice how ugly some people really are. I see the true colors. I predict what they will say when they see me or see their friends. Everything suddenly looks like a nightmare. People are aligning with what I believe they are gonna say or do. I begin to lose myself between reality. Time lapses occur. I'm hallucinating but I don't realize it until I've somehow gotten from the 5th floor to the 3rd. I slowly recall what happens. I blew off everyone I saw but didn't realize I was doing it until I finally get a grip on the perception of reality. I broke the thin line and fixed it. Like if it was just another day, I move and start over...

6 de Noviembre del 2011

Its my birthday in a few minutes. I'm getting old. I'd rather not celebrate it. Goodnight.

Gullible People

I hate them with a passion. My friend recently got hit by a car. He basically has fucked up both arms and his face. He is slowly recovering. The day he got hit I texted my ex because I knew they were close friends. I also texted a few other people close to him. The next day I get shit at school because people knew she was there and I was there with him. Seriously? Like damn I can't fucking be there for a friend. Same shit happened today. He tells me "ey dude lets kick it after school, so just come over." Since my tutoring got cancelled I decided to visit him. She was there again and once again like Monday I'm already getting shit. Seriously people. QUIT BEING FUCKING GULLIBLE. You people make me fucking sick.

After high school

I want to get as far away as possible. Leave LA and move up north. My options are San Francisco, Portland or Seattle. I love these cities. The culture is so different from LA. I really don't hope to stay here for anyone so it sucks if someone would actually want me to stay. I don't know how I will make it up there but somehow I will. Even if i'm stuck in a single apartment working 2 jobs and going to school. I want to achieve my dreams.

Fear and Loathing...

Because you're mine...

I walk the line..

Race Day.

Race Day is coming up in a few hours. I don't feel like racing with my current ratio. 46x16 on a track bike is fucking terrible. I spin out so easily and get tired. Although hills are easy I tend to just cruise up them. Hopefully Ill be getting SRAM Omniums soon and ill be rolling on the casual 48x16. My birthday needs to hurry the fuck up.

School.

Gotta improve. Procrastination is getting to the best of me. I need to go to adult school. I'm basically fucking up by 5 credits. Now I have to write a paper on teen stress. Ironically, I'm not really stressing out but I really gotta start doing my work. Well I guess I'll start now with the help of Mos Def.

Macaframa

Still getting inspired to bomb hills..

Pushing everyone away..

Is the best thing to do. I don't see myself doing anything in life besides joining the military. Today I snapped on my mom because she wants me to go to college. I'm sick of hearing how my cousins this and that. I'm not them. I rather just join the army and get out of LA. Don't see hope for tomorrow nor the day after that. I feel like i'm doing the right thing by pushing everyone away.

Also known as Eyedea.

Today was shitty day. Only Eyedea can help...

The Real Perception of My Reality

"What I've realized over time is that no one really gives a shit. Do as much drugs and stupid shit before you die. It will be worth it because you'll eventually die alone."

Song of the Week.

Auditorium by Mos Def featuring Slick Rick.

Great song. Great Beat.

Cigarettes

Smoking has never looked so classy...

We are all

Fucked. We truly are. If you're reading this its because you're one of the people that will never get what you truly want. We thrive on the hope that will one day kill us. We all feel like we achieve something when we buy something that is replaceable. But when you realize you're dying and nothing can save you its because your time has come and all the bullshit you once chased for went to the gutter along with your life. You only have one life to live. Destroy as much as you can before it destroys you. - Edson Palucha.

English class.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for example,'The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance.' The night wind revolves in the sky and sings. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. Through nights like this one I held her in my arms I kissed her again and again under the endless sky. She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too. How could one not have loved her great still eyes. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her. To hear the immense night, still more immense without her. And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture. What does it matter that my love could not keep her. The night is shattered and she is not with me. This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her. My sight searches for her as though to go to her. My heart looks for her, and she is not with me. The same night whitening the same trees. We, of that time, are no longer the same. I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her. My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing. Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before. Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes. I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. Love is so short, forgetting is so long. Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her. Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer and these the last verses that I write for her. Pablo Neruda

Methods

Motivational music for this week. Charizma & Peanut Butter Wolf.

Possibly the best picture I've taken of myself.

Nirvana...

My favorite song from this album/live show. I wish I had Kurt's voice

Day 2

Finally kissed her :D. Making me think of her just gives me butterflies. Day 2 and life feels like its getting better

Day 1

And so it begins. A new chapter with a wonderful girl. Her name is Gina. She attends my school. What more can I say. She's super sweet. She's a gamer. She's beautiful. We both get nervous when we see each other. It feels like elementary school all over again when you'd see your crush from afar. She makes me feel like I'm 7 again. But just like I told her sister and her sister's boyfriend, "She makes me feel like drawing a cat with a crown riding on top of a unicorn that is vomiting rainbows and bacon."  I have a great feeling that she will truly make me happy. :D

So yeah...

This song sometimes comes up when I see her. Its weird. We both are extremely weird. She knows I like her and I know she likes me. I can't say anything to her cause I get super shy. She's really sweet. She even went to the bike racks to say hi to me. Tomorrow I know she'll make me smile and once again this song will pop into my head.

I need to try harder...

"So ASK me, ASK me, ASK me
ASK me, ASK me, ASK me
Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb
That will bring us together"

Daily Routine

Everyday is a daily routine. Its actually very nice tho. No problems. Mornings. School. After school with friends and hiding from a certain someone just because I'm shy to say hi to her. God, i'm such a pussy. Oh well here is a song by Animal Collective.

Sunday...

Sunday comes alone again
A perfect day for a quiet friend
And you - you will set it free
I see new morning round your face
Everybody says its another phase
And now - now it's come to me
See the magic in your eyes
I see it come as no surprise
And you - you turn your eyes away
Yeah you - you turn it all away
I guess it's true it's never too late
Still I don't know what to do today
Oh why - can't I set you free?
Will you - do the same for me?
Sunday comes and sunday goes
Sunday always seems to move so slow
To me - here she comes again
A perfect ending to a perfect day
A perfect ending, what can I say?
To you - a lonely sunday friend
With you - a sunday never ends"

Failure and Success

The Failure: my bicycle ride. It was just about 6 riders that went to Long Beach and back.

The Success: Right now im basically beyond blown. I'm really beyond stupid. I smoked with my friend John. I really don't know exactly whats going on. Someone should probably text me right because I am possibly beyond knowing whats my name. Well just letting you know. When my rides are shitty and tend to get really fucked up. Well goodnight im probably find out how to sleep.

Take Everything Redux...

Take Everything.
Take every light.
Take every chance you have.
Every rider.
Every stop sign.
Every spin on your legs like it was your last.
Breathe.
Live.
In the end have no regrets.

Take Everything..

This simply inspires me...

That Moment...

In which two people say that they are going to say hi to each other but in the end no one really says hi. Makes me feel like a little boy again cause I can't say Hi to someone. Ironically, shes told me the same. Its like a cat and mouse game. I wonder how this is gonna end up.

And So...

Normality has begun. Wake up to The Smiths. Go to sleep with The Doors. Wake up. Go to school and try to make something good out of myself and back home. Everything sucks. No excitement in my life. Just simply boring Palucha again. Nothing to live for and nothing to die for. Back to normality.

My Indian Summer

Life seems like its slowly fading but Morrison's voice on a Saturday morning just gives me goosebumps and makes me feel nostalgic...

Risking things.

Today I took a giant risk. I took a red light and I took the risk of getting my life taken away. It wasn't any intersection either. I was inches away from getting hit by a car. Literally INCHES away. But like nothing I continued my journey. Some may even say I took the light like a fucking BOSS but the reality is that I should really stop riding my bicycle before I do something stupid and actually get hit again.

One of My Turns...

The only song that could explain how I feel...

The things I do.

I do the things I do because I was told as a child to never follow anyone. A lot of people don't like how I am because no one likes to be the honest one and rather hide themselves than be the loud one. I tend to be that guy. The loud one of the pack telling people the things I don't and do like about them. People tend to call me an asshole but I just like calling myself honest. Ironically, I don't like people telling me what is right and wrong. I don't like the fact that my so called "Friends" criticize me for who I hangout with because the person I'm with doesn't get along with them. I enjoyed myself today. Yeah it had ups and downs but I was happy to hangout with my best friend and someone really special to me and in the end what counts is that I'm happy for who I am and who I'm with..

So tonight..

Might change my life. A bicycle ride that happens once a year. Its called C.R.A.N.K. MOB. This typically has 400 or more cyclists taking over the streets with music and fun. Also today is my friend's second bicycle ride. Last night he rode The Ride With No Name and felt like he needed to ride more so I'm taking him tonight. I don't know why but last night I felt like I was missing someone tho. Either way, today is gonna be fucking fantastic with my friends.

So there's this girl...

I like her and all. We started talking recently and like yeah  I kinda like her. She's really down to Earth and basically likes everything I like. The thing is that I get nervous to talk to her. I somewhat don't know what to say so I just basically freeze up. I don't understand why I get like this around girls.. Its weird. Either way I'm gonna keep on talking to her :D

Fixed..

 Its been a little over a year since I've had my track bike. One speed, no derailleurs, 1 brake, skinny wheels and a bunch of stickers on it. Her name is Irony and there is a simple story behind it. When I got my first bike it was a road bike. Many people asked me if I was gonna make it into a "fixie". I hated the term. I hated everything about fixed-gear bikes. I hate colorful bikes taking over the streets with kids skidding crazily while I rode my bike on Critical Mass or other rides. After I got hit on my bike I got another rode bike. I didn't like it at first but after awhile i became in love with it. Sadly, It got stolen after having it for a few months. I was devastated. No bike, no money and no hope. In May, my parents get their tax returns and I didn't know this until my father one day mysteriously told me "Hey, lets go look at bikes". I was shocked but I went along with it. Not sure what was going on I searched through craigslist and eBay for bikes and stuff. I couldn't find a road bike due to the fact that they were over 300 dollars and my dad told me there was a limit. When I got home that day my mother told me they she got her tax return and I understood completely. After I asked a few friends about decent bikes for cheap I was left with one option. A Black Windsor Track bike for about 289. I sold some Bose headphones and I got some extra money. I ordered the bike and within a week *POOF* my new bicycle was finally at home. I bought it a Euro-Asia Superstar cog, some Profile Design T2 Wing base bars and a Dura-Ace lockring. From that day on I became fixed...

Strangers, again

My friend told me to search this vid on YouTube. Made me think a lot.

A little bit of Orbison

An Eyedea to fix things.

"And I'm no different I live in conflict and contradiction but it can be so beautiful
when I don't reject what lies within
It's beautiful the way agony connects us to the living
I think of the world when I hurt, and keep on existing in the now"

Interbike!!!!! maybe next year :(

So I originally was gonna go to Interbike this year and have some fun in Vegas but due to the fact that this is my senior year in high school I really can't be slacking off. Either way here is a vid of last year's Mash race.

Black..

Is what I'll see in a few minutes. Just the darkness that will fill my room and the thoughts that will fill my mind. Its the most difficult place anyone can live in. I stare at my ceiling, roll over, and sit up on my bed. Its the worst of the worst! I hate going to it because I can't escape it. It happens every night now. I just wish everything was back to the way it was before the darkness came in.

Life Lesson from My Enemy.

Last night I got the biggest life lesson from my father. I rarely talk to him. Yeah he lives with me and all but I rarely acknowledge him. But last night I asked him to sit down with me because I needed his guidance. So we both sat on my bed while he listened to me. I told him I didn't feel like going to school anymore. Told him I felt knots on my chest and I had a hard time eating. I told him I had one of the worst days of school ever and I told him that I got kicked out of class. Yet when I told him the cause of the problem he told me a simple " I know." He said the reason people come and go is because the best is yet to come. He told me I was still young and one day I'll look back and think of how stupid I was. He basically told me to finally be a man and quit living in a fairy tale. But the words that really hit me was when he said "The best is yet to come."

Tyler again..

"I'm not, sayin, just to go out and do some stupid shit. Commit crimes, all I'm tryna tell you is, do what the fuck you want Stand for what the fuck you believe in and don't let NOBODY tell you you can't do what the fuck you want. I'm a fucking unicorn, the FUCK to anybody who say I'm not Wolf, Gang"

Get the fuck over it.

Today was the first day of school. Very shitty. Bunch of freshmen everywhere roaming the hall. I got shitty classes. But the highlight of the day was when I was in my 4th Period. Right when the class is about to end I get a text message from my ex just simply saying that i'm a piece of shit. Confused about what she sent me I asked her. She said that I did something with a girl. At first I denied it to everyone but now I'm actually admitting of what I did. Big deal tho. I was a single man when all this happened plus it was when I got heart broken over someone. Either way, I really don't care now. She basically took it as if I cheated on her. Then again she does over exaggerate everything.. In the end.....GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Sleep Deprived..

I can't sleep. I busted an all nighter. I recorded my actions on a Flip cam. I basically recorded a movie about emotional bullshit. It's been a long fucking night. I can't think straight. The left side of my brain hurts. I can't stop thinking about someone. I don't know why but I just can't get her out of my head. My best friend is trying to sleep but he keeps waking up. So much things I want to express but I can't unless I actually post the footage that I took in the camera.

Last Week

 I'm about to go back into school. Spent my last week like it was last week. Today is day 5 of drinking straight with my brother. Well he ain't my brother but he is my bestfriend. Barely met him last year but I know a lot about this guy and he know a ton about me. Now both of us are in the same room using 2 different computers. Its 1:30 on a Tuesday morning. We are both bored as fuck hating on everything because we've run out of money and liquor. Now we are here like 2 losers here stuck in a room being all depressed over our exes. I guess thats how life is. Regardless, today is the last day of vacation. Tomorrow i'm back in school. Hopefully everything goes well..

Bored of my bike.

I'm getting bored of riding fixed. I missed riding on my road bike. I want to sell my bike but then again I have so many memories with it. Its never malfunctioned on me. Its basically the best bike I've had. I just simply want a new bike with gears. Hopefully, I can get my hands on a BMC Streetracer by the end of this year even if its like a grand something.

Superman

Loving this song.

On the fucking brink

Right now I'm simply on the fucking verge of fucking shit up. I'm not the type of person that gets angered easily but right now if I had a fucking bat i'm pretty sure I'd go ape shit on my room. When people say fucked up shit to me after I care about them and all and they respond with some bullshit answer not giving a fuck that's when I get riled up. Right now, fuck human emotions. I far beyond reasoning with people right now.

Awkward day but it was Good.

I Can Have The Best Day Ever :D

But when I'm all alone in the darkness and the only thing with light is my computer it hits me.....hard.

Song of the Summer..

The only song I listen to every night before I go to sleep.

So far so good.

I had a great weekend especially after yesterday. Went to a party at Aglago and chilled with some old friends. I didn't drink a lot but it was still an awesome night. Now I'm stuck at the Oven (my house) just waiting for the night to come by. I got to give my cat a shower, the poor thing looks like its dying because of the heat. Either way I put some ice cubes in his water tray so he's good for the afternoon.

Song of the Motherfucking NIGHT!

Today was simply a good day. Life is awesome once again.

Tonight..

Time to get my party on!! Sunset Junction Festival is cancelled so everyone should head over to Aglago!

Cause I'll Tell You Everything About...

...living free.

Nostalgia...

"Nostalgia.
It’s delicate, but potent…
Teddy told me that in Greek, nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.
It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.
This device… isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine.
It goes backwards, forwards.
It takes us to a place where we ache to go again.
It’s not called the Wheel.
It’s called the Carousel.
It lets us travel the way a child travels.
Around and around and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved."

Alleycats

One of the few alleycat race videos that I love. These one is from the guys at MASH SF.

Pepinos!!!

The only person that stays up with me talking about life... She can get really fucking annoying at times but then again she's the only person that actually stays up to make sure I'm ok.  Really grateful to have someone like this in my life.

Freshmen Year...

If you haven't seen this video on my Facebook then you probably didn't know me too well freshmen year.

Velodrome....

So tonight I went to go watch some keirin style bicycle races at the Encino Velodrome with my friend Roger. But getting there was a battle. First off, I was still sore from yesterday's ride and now I had to ride to the "Devil's Nutsack" to see some races. First and last time I ever do the Cahuenga pass going to the valley. Yeah I've done the pass going to LA but going to the valley was way more difficult. I felt like throwing up halfway. It's all uphill plus the sun right above me made me feel so damn lightheaded. Roger of course being fast as always took off on me and left me a quarter mile behind. When I caught up we finally rolled together to the track. I finally had some breakfast at the track which consisted of 4 steak tacos and a shitload of sriracha hot sauce. Best damn tacos EVER! Either way I saw some few races here and there. Rooted for my friends and left around 10. Rolled to the metro station and then home. It really was a great day at the track. Feels great riding my bike...

The Bicycle Film Festival

My third year going. Tickets are going on sale today. Nothing but beer, food and bicycle shorts. This year I'm really excited to see the Wolfpack Hustle: Crash The Marathon video and Los Angelopes by Richie. Hopefully I can have a buddy to go with me cause it really sucks sitting in the theater alone. Lets see how this BFF goes.

For more info on the Bicycle Film Festival or to purchase tickets visit: http://www.bicyclefilmfestival.com/

Tuesday Night Track. The Second Ride.

Tonight was pretty good. 17 Miles in under and hour. There were a lot of riders in the beginning of the ride but most of them bailed just 2 miles into the ride. After hitting Los Feliz it was all flat. It was a miracle I was actually in the second pack. The first pack actually waited at a local CVS and from there on we all rode together. Almost got hit by a car on Pasadena Ave along with my friend Edgar. Both of us overshot the turn. As a pack we all hustled to Downtown and made a right on Temple. Took off on everyone going up the damn hill. Right when I reach the top my stomach gets cold and I'm out of breath. Then while going down the hill I get dropped. A small pack that consisted of my friends Rudy, Robin and some other guy tried to catch up but we kept getting stopped at lights. We finally made it to the finish line which was at Orange 20 bikes (which is also the start). After the ride we went to Gran Burrito. Had a taco and a coke. Felt like puking. We talked about the days when we were in the Boys and Girls Club which is now a recreation center in Echo Park. Then we called it a night and went our separate. Till next Tuesday..


The Route for Tonight: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=5030728

The light is still there...

"And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine"

In my opinion its one of the best dark love songs out there. Yeah its the most played song of The Smiths but it's still really good...

Goodnight..

Strangers In The Night...

(sigh) On nights like today this song gets stuck in my head. The only thing I can think about is dancing this in Vegas..

Being Immature

Some people really know how to fucking grind my gears. Like people really think that EVERYTHING I say over Facebook is really how I am. It pisses me the fuck off. Yeah its Facebook but I'm not going to be putting how I exactly feel at the moment. Some people just need to grow the fuck up and understand a joke...

"And "love" is just a miserable lie"

Fell in love with this song today :D I think its now my favorite song from The Smiths.

Sunday Morning Mugshot.

I couldn't sleep last night so I woke up at 6. So far it's been 2 hours on this computer. Nothing better than to be on stumbleupon. I tried looking for my mugshot but that failed after I realized that juvenile records are kept hidden. Now I'm just here staring at my cat trying to play with a ball or something. Its too dark around here so I can't really see. I wish it was 12 already. I need to fix a flat tire on my bike! Hopefully, I can survive this Sunday without boredom.

So today..

Sucked. Yeah I was having a great day till some little issue ruined the day. I've realized that some people have severe trust issues. I guess I'm whatevers about it now. Women like to believe whatever the fuck they want to believe.

I Got Sick of Odd Future...

So I upgraded...

Realizations at 4 AM

You really come into terms with life when you're all alone. Knowing you're still living does feel great but knowing everyone else is sleeping doesn't. I tend to evaluate my life at this time. Its 4am and my thoughts aren't about going to sleep. Just me here, planted in front of a screen writing my thoughts. I keep thinking my life is like a video game. Of course, I can't use cheat codes but I do know the shortcuts and walk through to it. I begin to realize the patterns of people's emotions and how they begin to act against others. I realize how ugly some people really are and how they manipulate human emotion to get what they want. I see how teenage girls post pictures of themselves to get their friends approval just because their self-esteem is in the gutter. How teenage boys talk about how big their penis is and how they can get girls yet you can easily tell they masturbate themselves to sleep. One thing I never understood is why everyone is beginning  to look like a replica of someone else. Snap back hats and V-Necks are in but it looks like most of these guys have no class. I rather dress in suit than look like someone else. I wonder how these kids can sleep at night knowing they are just something superficial. I wonder how it would feel to wake up and realize that everyone looked just like you. It's sad waking up knowing you lived in a generation where nothing good was made. Where one day I'll look back and spit in the face of what was my past. It's really sad to see that we are all slowly rotting.

Today was no Biggie

I guess I had another decent day. Went riding for about an hour. Im really out of shape now and im skinner than ever -_-. Well today I began to listen to The Notorious B.I.G. again. Last time I heard him was in the beginning of the year. I guess today was a good day. Not great but it was good.

Fate..

"Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him"


The better version of "The Killing Moon". I remember once I heard it for a whole hour just playing it back to back. Great song.

Decent day.

Day started slow as always. Wasn't expecting much. So in the afternoon I decided to hangout with some friends at their shop. We just chilled there. I played some Metal Gear Solid while they played with their Nintendo 3DS. Then we went over to their house to play some Star Wars Battlefront and some Red Dead Redemption. Got dropped off home and now im here. Decent day....

Tyler, the Creator...

It's a cold cold world...

Seeing people break up really is a mystery to me. Seeing their responses is more different. Everyone now puts everything through a social network. Of course, Facebook is always the first option for everyone.. Every time someone posts that they break up, I tend to see people commenting by saying "no way" or "message me" so on and so forth. What I never see is honesty. No one is going to tell you the reality of the situation. Everyone just expects you to find out by yourself. Think about this. Why do you need to comment on someone's relationship status trying to cheer them up. Just be honest with them. Tell them its a cold world and that they are alone. Its the only truth. No one can change your relationship status with a few words like "you'll get better" or "its fine". That's all bullshit because in the end of the night that person is crying their mind out. Everyone is always alone....

The Summer Man...

"When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen he’ll tell you how he got there, how he forgot where he was going, and then he woke up. If you listen he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel, or dreamt of being perfect, and then he’ll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn’t perfect. We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had."- Don Draper

Motivation

"Clenched fists held above me
You will never bring me to my knees
I said clenched fists held above me
You will never bring me to my knees
You'll get what you deserve"

One of my loves...

I met her the first day of school. Jeans. Converse. A black shirt with messy hair. She was a loud mouth. Annoying as FUCK! I had her for my advisory class and English so i'd see her in the mornings.. Over time we would argue so damn much over religion and other stuff. She'd always wear this ninja turtles shirt and a backpack that would be written all over it. I remember she had an obsession with Andy Warhol so she would make fun of me cause of my hair. I was becoming interested in this girl. She was funny yet annoying at times. She would really REALLY piss me off. Slowly we became close friends. We would listen to System of a Down and A Day To Remember during lunch and we would cause commotion in our new advisory class. I've been through hell and back with her. There have been weeks that we wouldn't talk to each other yet we would eventually patch things up. In the end this amazing woman became my best friend. She has been someone that has influenced me, been there for me and the only woman I can trust when the world is against me. I truly love Liana Perez (as a friend).

ArtWalk

Every second Thursday of the Month. Went to Moca. There was a lot of Warhol everywhere. Went to Angels Knoll to have a great view of LA. Went throughout Downtown to find different galleries... Ended up at Pershing Square watching a band play. Then I went home. Basically it was a good day. :D

Sheets of Empty Canvas...

My favorite Pearl Jam song. The lyrics always get to me.. I guess on nights like today..

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine"

Another LOOOONG Day.

Yep, Stuck at home. Nothing to write about really. I planned out to go to San Francisco if anyone would be interested. I'm thinking of the Amtrak there. Celebrate New Years with a few friends. As for now, I have to start saving money. Hopefully everything goes as planned and Ill have an amazing year. Ill probably post a song before I go to sleep. Till then..

In Other Words..

After a long day I'm going to bed. Lovely moments and shitty moments but ending the day good.

Goodnight.

Why Am I Not Surprised.....

Of the same shit that happens everyday. I guess I'm getting used to it already. I guess the world does really revolve around bullshit but its ok. Ill just keep it to myself. Hold it in. Show No Emotion. Show No Mercy.

I have a thing.

For music of the past....

Boredom...

So here's a not so well known band with a not so well known song.

She was in a red dress..

One of the few songs that make me happy. It reminds me of February, red dresses, text messages at 4 am, and looking down from the 4rd Floor of my school and spotting someone with a striped dress. Today was a good day.

I can try as much as I can but in the end..

\

And its true. I know you read this. So this one is for you. I can say I'm over you and I moving on but in the end I'm still here. Its the real truth. On Facebook I can be so fake yet here is where I publish the real life of me and this is how I TRULY feel. I hope one day you can understand that. I can give up on everything in my life but not on you. I still love you..

The Longest Walk

I had to leave my friends birthday party. Even though they had a jumper and all I felt really down. Especially all the lovey dovey couples there I slowly felt shitty. I just got home from there but that was the single most longest walk ever. I listened to Nirvana on the way home. Three songs. "All Apologies", "Come as You Are" and "You Know You're Right."  Today was a terrible day...

All Apologies

So I kept waking up. I would turn over and fall asleep but I would wake up 10 minutes later. For some reason I had to wake up. My mind kept passing All Apologies by Nirvana on my mind. Like if I HAD to listen to it. Well now that I'm awake I actually listened to it. For some reason it made my day somewhat brighter. Well either way today is one of my friends birthday and its always been a tradition of her to get a jumper. Time to perform some wrestling moves and whoop some ass.

Anxiety...

Anxiety hit me today. For some strange reason while watching Limitless. Lost my breath, my pupils dilated and my stomach began to churn. So fucking weird of me. But for some reason I started listening to Johnny Cash and it went away... Such a strange night...

Even Shadows Have Shadows

Best song of Eyedea. I simply love it...

Going Through My iPod.... Another long day.

 Terrible fucking day. 3 hours of sleep because I had difficulty breathing. Yeah I spent It hanging out with my close friend but it really sucked. I went through my iPod. I played at least 1 song from every artist... I tried to find something to please me and get my mind off of things but nothing helped. Today has to be one of the single most shittiest days of my life. No disrespect towards my friend but it really.... Well it was for me.. Emotionally.

All Alone

Simple yet beautiful. We're all alone....

Note to Self.

Don't ever fall in love. Never do it. In the end everyone gets hurt. Everyone suffers. All the time you spent loving someone will vanish and they will fuck you over to get with someone else for the benefit of their own happiness...

Rediscovering Myself...

After a long day of spiritual trips educed by psychedelics and 3 hours of meditation I've found myself. Today I saw how ugly people really are. How Love and Hate are just a grasp from each other. How people follow ignorance to make themselves feel better. How fake anyone can be through different social networks.Today I saw how ugly everyone truly is, including myself... You're all fucking ugly.

A Spiritual Ride....

I woke up today. Felt like another day in LA. Got on my computer. Ate breakfast... I watched When You're Strange. It was a movie about the Doors. Mostly on Jim Morrison. Poetic yet obnoxious he is one of the influences of my life. Listening to the narration of Johnny Depp in the background I saw how Jim was like. How he suddenly changed when he became the lead singer of the Doors. How he became from being a shy person who would show his back to the audience to a drugged out singer who would jump around on stage. His life was a mystery. Mood Swings. Heavy Drinking. Depression. Acid. Things I've experienced in my life.Once the movie finished I felt a little different. Like I had to reevaluate my life. I put on some clothes. Grabbed my bicycle and my iPod. Went through my iPod and put on the song End of the Night. Slowly the first doors album was syncing to my bicycle ride. I couldn't feel my legs. Nor my arms. I couldn't hear the cars. Only the voice of Jim. When I reached Sunset Boulevard my favorite song came on. It was "The End". I got off my bicycle on Micheltorena. I walked along a passageway that would lead to some stairs. Two homeless men sat there. Flies scattered everywhere. Before I took my first step, one of them reached their hand out and said "champion, champion" in Spanish..... I continued my journey. I was surrounded by bushes and trees going up these stairs. I felt my heart beat throughout my body and the powerful voice of Jim echoing through my ears. As if I was nothing in this world. I felt trapped inside my body and the only way out was through reaching the end of this endless staircase... I reached the top, grabbed my bicycle and went down the block. I reached my destination and had a flashback. The first time I saw this view was with my friend. She showed me that view about a year ago... I stayed there for 5 minutes. The song was finishing and I went down  the hill. Reaching speeds of 35 on a steep downhill with nothing in front only a few bump was daring of me. I could have flipped over and busted my head. I finally reached the bottom. Sunset Boulevard again. I rolled through Echo Park. Went around the closed lake and remembered all the memories I had there. Remembering how I would go to the MoM Ridaz rides just to earn my patch and enter their club. That was 2009. I passed through Second Street Tunnel and made a right on Hill. Got off my bike before 4th Street and climbed up another long set of stairs... I was at Angels Knoll. I sat down on a bench and watched the city below me. I got off and sat on the grass. Went through my iPod again and put "All Alone" by Mad Season. My ex texted me. I told her where I was. She didn't text back. I sat there. Alone. It was just Los Angeles and me. All I could think about is how my life has changed. How I grew up to be me. I thought about the philosophy that surrounds me and the people that I care about. 4:30. I pick myself up. Grabbed my bike and left towards the exit. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I find Olive street and take off. I passed by my elementary school only to remember when I was young. The prime time of my life. I was 9. School was fun. No priorities. Everyday was awesome... Those days are gone. Continued riding.... I reached my favorite local bicycle shop. Pumped up my tires to the max and left. I passed by my old friends house. He was a brother to me. His own ignorance pushed him away from me. After seeing his girlfriend with another man he thought I was lying. I spent ours helping him out. But he decided to take her side and push me away. Ungrateful he became. I rode on. I was on the finishing strip. Normandie Avenue. So much history. So much time spent waiting for the bus. Waiting for my friends. Buying food nearby. I was in my home territory. I knew I was safe. I reached my house. I finally realized I was me. I checked my texts. Still nothing. Got in the shower. Cold water is all I could feel. All these moments, dust, fragments that I collected on my ride today was spiritual to me. But like everything. It will slowly be forgotten....

Can't sleep.

I wrote something to her today. Something long. I really don't know why I did it but I believe it was the right thing to do. As if it just popped into my head. Its about to be 5 am. For some reason I am actually happy. Seems like the sun is about to appear, people will soon wake up, kids with good outside and Ill just go to rest.. Goodnight.

Being a smart slacker and getting the fuck out of LA

So my letter about Senior Year has finally arrived. Its funny because I really don't give a shit. I've been a slacker since 9th grade and I've passed my classes. Shit I even had 5 F's before my last report card but I pulled off a 3.4 G.P.A. on the actual report card. I'm not stupid. People think I am just cause of my low grades year round. But the reality is all these kids stress out on doing homework and kissing ass in order to do great in school yet when they graduate they plan on going to shitty colleges like LACC, SMC, PCC and so on. I plan to get the fuck out of LA. All my life I've been living in this city so I want to get out. Explore other cities with my bicycle aside and anyone who would want to join. Time to progress in live without stressing out.

Goodnight with some Grunge.

For those who didn't know im deep into grunge music. Bands like this make my days better or make them worse. If I could live in a era it would be the early 90s. I just simply love grunge. Goodnight.

Palucha

Sucks. I hate how I still can't let go. My days feel long as hell. I spend hours staring at my ceiling. I'm stuffing my face with junk food. I'm slowly beginning to dislike people more and more every single day. I HATE couples that are lovey dovey over Facebook. Sometimes my computer screen looks like its twisting or morphing. I've been drinking heavily. Life is nothing like a song. Just feel like nothing else matters. I've stopped taking medication for a month now. I've been talking to my cat or the walls because my schizophrenia kicks in throughout the day. The Xbox 360 my friend let me borrow sucks alot. It gets boring as hell. There's only one thing that can make me happy but I cant have it... Palucha sucks.

Sinatra.

This song struck me today. I've heard it before but today it really hit me. Sinatra is right. I need to understand that's its all a part of life.

Irony...

Today I did something very ironic. I gave the best relationship advice I think I could have ever given. Funny because I gave it to someone I don't even like. She was crying. Just there in the soccer field. With her friends around her. After she got up she took a seat in the field. I began talking. I really don't know why but words just came out. I told her everything that I wish I could do. I said its best to move on. I told her she is still young. She has a long life ahead of her. So on and so on. My eyes even got watery when I began talking. Cause I knew how she felt. It sucks. But what i said was ironic and hypocritical. I can't even do that. I'm still a mess and I can't really help it. I guess I told her all that stuff to make her feel better. I hope she gets better. Sucks to see someone in that situation. But I guess now we both have to fight out of it and live on.

Another Day...

That I just wear a mask. Everything seems impossible. I had some temporary fun with the Bernstein cheerleaders. My best friend Lia, twisted her ankle. Hope shes ok. Her ex boyfriend had to carry her off the field. Had a chat with him about women. I told him why its worth giving everything you have for a girl. I think he understood. I can only hope for the very best in them. As for me, well I'm alone. Lonely every day. Just daydreaming of what I could have had. I guess I'm getting good at putting on a fake smile. Coincidentally, the only words that roamed my head where some lyrics from a GG Allin song. Those words were: Live Fast, Die Fast....

Coincidence...

Ever since (500) Days of Summer I feel like my love life relates to the movie. I feel as if Day 500 is close. Its not that I'm gonna get with someone but I just feel I will move on. I know Its gonna suck but I think I'm going to stay single. I think its time to rebuild my image. I found out why I haven't let go of her today. The reason is: love at first sight. That's all it was. At first I thought that was some fairy tale bullshit but it happened to me back in 9th grade when I first saw her. I guess she was Summer and I was Tom. I can only hope for the very best in her cause I know she will move one faster than me. That's all I wish for and all I will ever wish for. I guess its time to rebuild... Slowly, even if it hurts. I will slowly rebuild.

Frank Sinatra- I've got you under my skin

Can't stop listening to this song... It expresses my afternoon.

The Birth of Heavy Metal in My Life.

When I was in elementary I was into hip-hop. Artists like 50 Cent, Eminem, and Outkast ruled the radio. I remember listening to Power 106 everyday on a mini portable radio. I listen to The Beatles, and some oldies because of my father but that's about it. In 5th grade a few friends made a survey of what everyone listened to. Some people mentioned The Black Eyed Peas (when they were good) others mentioned Hoobastank and Yellowcard. Alternative music was becoming popular on the radio but I wasn't really interested until middle school. I got into Panic At The Disco (how lame of me.) I became a fan of Alternative music just like everyone else. One day that I hanged out with my neighbor they played some System Of A Down. I got into them immediately. I downloaded their songs into my iPod and listened to them every single day. When looking through videos on Comcast "On Demand" I saw a the title Enter Sandman by Metallica. At first I thought Metallica was some hillbilly band because of James Hetfield's face. They just looked unappealing so I never wanted to watch the music video. Regardless, I ended up watching the video and It changed my life... I fell in love with Heavy Metal. I began listening to them. I started watching VH1 Classic and spent all day watching bands like Slayer, Led Zeppelin and Judas Priest. I watched the movie Heavy: The Story Of Metal and it instantly became on of my favorite films. Ever since that day I became a fan of Heavy Metal and the sub-categories of it. I'm glad Heavy Metal is now a part of my life...

Wherever I May Roam..

My Future awaits....

Pickles.

She was the single most fucking annoying girl. Yet I didn't talk to her. She looked annoying to me. One day when I was riding to school to visit my ex, I got to say Hi to her. Well she said hi to me outta nowhere. A few days later we started talking. Just simple Hi's and byes. One day she stayed in my art teachers class. We talked a little and I got to know her more. You know the basics. After that day we would hang out more often afterschool. Share some brief conversations about life and so forth. There was a period where I disliked her for doing something to another friend of mine. I just smiled. Acted fake in front of her yet talk shit behind her back. I realized what I was doing was childish so I stopped. We began talking again even though she deleted me off of Facebook. When vacation started I began talking to her on FB and I would see her around school because she had "Volleyball" practice. (Bullshit excuse to see her BF lol). Now things have changed between us. I won't be able to see her like I used to. Shes moving to the OC this weekend. It sucks letting someone like her go. She helped me a lot with my relationship problems. When I was in desperate need to vent she was basically there. I promised her that I would visit her. 50 miles isn't far away even though she thinks it is. I'll truly miss her. She made me believe in the term "Best Friend" cause she secretly was....

The Smiths - Well I Wonder.

Cant stop listening to this song. Its either this or I Know Its Over. I guess the Smiths know how I feel.

Love.

Fuck it. I'm sick of it. Does it mean anything. Like when you spend time with someone you love yet they can't do the same. They say they do but deep down you know they don't. Today I spent time with my ex. We talked, hugged, kissed, you know the usual. But what really fucking sucks is that we aren't together. Yeah we act like a couple but there is no partnership. What really pisses me off is that I give that extra effort to not fuck up. Yeah my friends have told me, "move on" and so forth but I'm not giving up. This is one thing I hate about her. She doesn't realize that with my exes I wouldn't give two shits about them. But this one thinks shes just like the rest. What she doesn't know is that behind every damn song I post on my facebook, every quote I copy and paste, and damn response I give to someone has something to do with her. It pisses me so much. Yeah she has her flaws and so do I but i look beyond that in her. She thinks I'm always going to look down on her or something. I just sometimes really wish she know how I felt. That I'm happy when I'm with her. Fuck! Im still in love...

The Smiths and missing an old friend.

I first got into the Smiths in 2009. A close friend, half human half cat introduced me to them. At first I wasn't really into them. They were just some old guys singing the blues. After awhile I forgot about them. Recently with this whole relationship thing that just passed I got into them again. I'm not sure why they just popped into my head and I started listening to the them again. This old friend of mine was really influential in my life. Within a week a grew attached to her. We spent a day on our bikes and looking at the LA skyline from a beautiful view she showed me. She gave me flowers that day. I kept them. Its been almost 2 years with them! They are still in the same place I put them. Yea they are dried up but they remind me of how someone can change me within a day. She's someone I will surely never forget. Hopefully I can see her soon. Its been a long time since I've seen this gata. :D

The Return.

Today I figured I want to return to the cycling game. I want to be fast again. Grow the thick legs I had before I stopped riding my bicycle. Slowly Ill return to my normal life. I left my bike today at a local bike shop called Orange 20. Some people dislike the store because they think its overpriced. I actually love the store. Its never done me wrong. Every time I go in, it always feels like I want to return to greatness again. I got a thickslick rear tire, some chain ring bolts and brake pads. Ill be picking up my bike on Tuesday even though they might finish by tomorrow. Interesting fact: Some people didn't know that a mechanic at this bike shop is a well known LA Graffiti Artist. I wont mention his name on this because I don't want people just going in there for autographs. Its so cool how a great graffiti artist will be working on my bike! After that I decided to have some old school mother son time so I headed to Glendale Galleria with my mother to print out some pictures of some races. I got some flashbacks of the lifestyle I used to live. I guess ill soon be returning to it.

500 Days....

Its a very cool movie I recently watched for the first time. I reminds me of my relationship with my ex. First time a movie has made me feel good for awhile. At the moment I feel bold. I think to myself that the phrase "Everything happens for a reason" is becoming a part of my life. I must go through thick and thin but eventually I will move on. My friend Rachel posted something on her wall that really hit me today. "I think it's fucked up when a guy is super into his girl , but his girl could care less . I mean , you're not always gonna be that lucky to find a guy a like that."  It really hit me today. I thought to myself. Why so much pain. Why so much suffering towards a girl that you cry over yet they wont give you the same love you give them. She was my first love but sometimes you got to let go of things because in the end I must not focus on the future of others but on the future of myself.  

A Journey Through the Orange Curtain.

So my friend is moving down to Santa Ana. Basically Orange County. For once in my life I'm actually motivated to go visit her. Did a little research on Metrolink trains and I think I'm going to go visit her when she moves. I also want to ride it over there one morning and come back in the train. It looks very exciting. I wont try to but I gotta motivate her boyfriend to go since he's getting all emo over her leaving. Hopefully everything turns out good.

Song of the Month. Only a few know the story behind it...

My Ex and Colombia

Haven't posted for a good time. Broke up with her. Said I used her for sex. Shitty reason to leave me. Was gonna take her to a wedding but she would rather drink with her friends. Meet this one girl. Perfect for any long term relationship. Made me happy after the few days since the break up. Saturday comes and the wedding is here. I get texts from my ex. We argue and I tell her its over if she drinks. Without caring she does the opposite of what I told her. I kiss soon afterwords. The wedding is over. I drop her off with a kiss on the cheek. I get home to find texts from my ex. Telling me how she misses me. I know shes drunk. So I just ignore her. Wake up to a shitload of texts. I tell her its basically over for breaking my promise. She begins to beg for me. I feel pity so I go visit her. I'm with her in her room but It isn't the same. In the back of my head im thinking about Colombia. It  takes me a long time to tell her I love her. I leave with the feeling of pity and seeing a sad face. Its the last kiss I gave her and the last goodbye I ever told her. Later on, I tell her how i truly feel. Shes heartbroken. I feel strong with the words. She victimizes herself the old typical way. July 1st arrives... I make Colombia my girlfriend. I seem happy at first but it just isn't the same. I miss my ex. I daydream about those long walks. All the things we had. Our conversations about the future. How we would have kids. The shit I would say that I wouldn't dare to say to any girl. I was still in love with her. Spent days saying I didn't care. It hit me one day really hard. Fell into depression. Never had this feeling. I broke up with Colombia. Told her how I felt. She understood. My ex texted me one day. Told me she misses me. I felt strong again. I talked to her. We send I love yous and I miss yous. We aren't together but we act like we were over text messages. Hope builds up...  I ask her to be with me. She denies me. I don't understand as always. She said that it was because I got with someone else. Its was understandable. But if she only knew how much I missed her. July 10th. I'm talking to her. Still with mixed emotions. Days of rejection come and go. I still look for the best in her. But she doesn't see that I actually cared. We argue. She spends most of her time on her social life instead of being in school. I see the immaturity side in her. She tells me that I never cared. I get angry and tell her off. Telling her one last time to go fuck herself. We say lates to each other. Nothing but anger out of this relationship. It sucks knowing a few months ago I was spending the time of my life with her. Too late I guess. Court on Friday. Don't see any chance of me being a free man. Nothing to lose. Nothing to gain. Goodbye.

Its been awhile.

Since I've posted something on this blog. Its been basically been 2 months... My relationship with Kristen has gone to the fucking gutter. Day and night we argue over stupid stuff. Both of us never decide to patch things up. We still are together but hopefully today things get better. Her birthday is on Monday but I don't know what to get her beside this one emerald ring. Last night on Facebook she had the balls to say I don't appreciate her. I didn't take it lightly. Still I'll try to make things better today for both of us. I don't know what has me so attached to this girl. She's seriously a mystery. On the other hand, only 3 weeks left till vacation. I'm going to summer school and take American Literature and Geometry B. Court is on July 15. I got one last chance in summer school. Time to change my lifestyle.

Those Weekends

Sometimes you have those weekends that are a mystery.

Thursday: Was the last day of school due to Cesar Chavez Day. I attended a school dance with my girlfriend. It was really boring. I didn't really have a fun night due to some issues with my chest. I walked her home then her mom dropped me off at my house.

Friday: I woke up early and went over to my girls house. Her mom nor her sis were there so we had some of our own alone time if you know what I mean. Afterwards, we went to go buy some carne asada meat for a BBQ her and I were gonna go to. The BBQ was really unsuccessful. I went to Orange 20 with Derek and his friends to fix his bike but it turned out he need to buy some stuff in order to fix it. We decided to take off home so we rode our way to Normandie and Fountain. They left but I stayed in the corner thinking. I decided to call my girlfriend and make it up to her for being an asshole at the BBQ. I went to her home and we stayed talking for awhile. She told me about her troubled past as so did I. I learned that people always have their demons but they never show it. We sat at her table for 30 mins or so. We just sat there looking at each other. She wrote something on a paper and I wrote something on her phone. I kissed her goodbye.

Saturday: Called up my friend and asked him if he wanted to go to the pillow fight in DTLA. We got there and met up with Dada and July. We went to eat breakfast at a local spot. From there we ended up at Pershing Square for the pillow fight. We stay for about an hour then we left back to Dada's loft nearby and had a few drinks. We then went upstairs to her rooftop for a mini pool party. We all ended up drinking a lot before a toga party we were going to attend in the night. Like around 8 we went back downstairs and began making some togas for the house party. The house party was at Aglago, a local spot at the sunset junction. I had a few shots and some conversations. I got a life lesson from my friend July who looked really down through out the whole party. I went home and knocked out.

Sunday: I woke up really early and hungover from last night. I got up and decided to ride my bike around the block. I went to my local bike shop to drop off my bike for a tune-up. I called my friends and we watched Wrestlemania. We had a few beers and some pizza. I left home late and called it a night.

Overall it was an awesome weekend. One of those weekends I will never forget.

2 Weeks

Till my court date. I really don't know how to feel about the subject. It kills me thinking about it. I really wish I wasn't with Kristen because I know what she has to put up with. Her boyfriend in jail for more than 3 months will be painful for her. She said she would wait but I highly doubt it. Hopefully her depression doesn't ge the best of her. I don't want her hurting others or herself just because I'm locked up. It hurts me when she says everything is going to be alright. I know it won't. I have a strong feeling about it. I stopped caring about my parents. Seems like they don't care if I go or not. I've always had a father who neglected me since I was little. A mother who cared and would kill if anyone ever hurt me. She told me 2 days ago she didn't care if they put me away. It would be for my own good. I just stayed quiet. The only reason I don't want to go is because of Kristen. She basically means everything to right now and she doesn't even know it. It seems like an obsession but it's more than that. Thinking about a girl you love and how I can't be there for her birthday, when she's happy or when she's drowning in her sorrow. It's sucks. 4 months and I couldn't raise my grades. I've failed my parents and Kristen. But the reality is I've just failed myself. Goodnight.

Waking Up With Her: A Weekend With The Girlfriend.

Friday: After a long day of school, my girlfriend and I decide to go watch a flick at CityWalk. We decide to watch Battle:LA with her friends who are also cool friends of mine. Since we couldn't sneak into other movies we decide to go eat some Tommy's and go home. She decides to drop me off home. I was actually excited to fall asleep because I knew the weekend had just begun.

The Weekend Begins(Saturday): Waking up early I take a shower and pack some clothes. I was going to go sleep over at my girlfriends home in Glendora. My parents decide it was alright to go with her. Her mom was actually the one who came up with the idea of letting me go. I arrive at her home with excitement. They pack their stuff and we take off. Arriving at Glendora i seem like a pilgrim. The apartment complex they live in is so amazing! It looked like it was made the night before we arrived there. We all unpack our stuff. Her and I decide to get a little romantic in her room by cuddling. Her sister also decides to bring over her boyfriend who for some reason looks like Drake. I spend time with he little brother trying to drift in Gran Turismo and try not to lose in Mortal Kombat. We all eat as a family our arroz con pollo and salad. My girl, her mom, and I decide to go find some desert. We head off to ralphs where she decides to go crazy for Oreo cakesters, red velvet cake and even some hello kitty accesories. We buy our ice cream and rent Machete. Back home we try to watch machete but for some reason the PS2 had some parental lock. Dissapointed we decide to eat our desert and call it a night. We set up our beds and try to fall asleep. I cuddle with her and share a few kisses. We got intimate until we heard a faint moan. We first thought it was something else but we kept hearing it. We stood up to hear what it was and we found out it came from Her sisters room. We burst into laughter. We couldn't stop laughing for a good while. It then slowly began to get embarassing for her. It stopped and we began talking about her life. She showed me a dark side to her I didn't expect. I told her that we all have our demons and we either have to cope with them or beat them. I hugged her. We kissed. We cuddled. We called it a night.

Sunday: I wake up with her in my arms. I give her a kiss in the cheek. Her eyes looked beautiful waking up slowly. She was mine. And only mine. Her mom told us to get up to go attend church. We were slowly getting up when we realized there was a switch in the time. We all forgot thinking it was daylight saving. I quickly took a shower and ate breakfast. We all got out of the house in a rush. We decided to take two cars. One for her mom and bro and the other for "Drake", her sister, her and I. We arrive at the Chruch about 30 mins late. I being an atheist decide not to pay attention the sermon. Either way it was really shitty. Basically people who had troubled lives and found a way to overcome their problems by believing in an invisible deity called "Jesus". I felt like laughing at them but I got carried away by the zombie killing in my iPhone. Her mom picked us up and we go off to her home in hollywood. From there we ate and headed of to her grandma's home. Something about her family is pretty cool. Everyone I met was really intersting. We leave the home and go to the Observatory. She told me how she never went to it. We walked around the place for 15 minutes. She fell in love with it. We head over back to Hollywood and drop off her grandma. Then they drop me off. I grab my stuff and kiss her goodbye. I'll never forget this weekend. It was amazing. I really had a great time with her family and friends. I was glad I was invited to sleep over her home. I was glad I was with Kristen......

It gets me through the morning

The Mornings and Eminem

I tend to wake up very angry at people. Seriously, its never a good idea to talk to me in the morning. People fucking sicken me. It sickens me how I pass a little 7 old every morning. I was that kid when I went to elementary. I actually feel sorry for the little bastard. It sickens me when i see those Scientologists always looking at me like I am below their level. One of them had the balls to ask me if I wanted to be saved from problems in life. I felt like punching him and his friend. I tend to stay away from people at school in the mornings. I don't like socializing with people between the hours of 7:30 to 8:15. The only thing I listen to in the morning is Eminem. I enjoy listening to him rap about his problems. I don't have the same issues as him but I still like what he says in his songs. It helps me out every morning. I wake up with the song Lose Yourself and I just begin listening to the Marshall Mathers LP. After awhile I feel good and I have a great day.

Going to Jail.

Im pretty sure Ill be going to jail. I know for a fact I will. I actually stopped caring about my life right now. Im willing to go to jail right now if I can. Fuck it. Its funny how my English teacher calls home to tell my parents how I slack off in my class. She has the balls to say that I go to class sit down and dont do anything. She even said I have a class book and a home book. Fucking lying prick. Even funnier is how my Dad thinks hes a badass by saying hes gonna go up into court and tell the judge. He thinks im going to get down on my knees and beg. Idiot i swear. Well if i go to jail fuck it I really dont care because it isnt that bad in there. The only thing Ill be missing is her and my mom. Meh. I guess just another day in the life.

Through Moments in Time I Tend to Suck at Life

Seriously. Today sucked really bad. I decided to hang out with my ex today just to keep thing mutal between us. Everything was going great till I get a phone call from my dear friend Liana. She asks me if I've recently kissed a girl (remember Friday) and I responds yes. She gives me bad news saying that someone had spread the rumor to her boyfriend and that he wanted to know if it was true. I told her that I would call her back later. Later in the day, I met up with my friend and his girlfriend which was a bad mistake due to my ex getting pissed off at them due to the fact that they always makeout in public and such sorts. So after a stressful hour of trying to calm her down we decide to go to in and out. There I saw two people that I have such hatred towards. Even though she told me she would never talk to them again she lies to me (in front of my face) and decides to act fake and say hi to them. Not only that, one of them has the balls to take away my venti drink from starbucks and drink it. I got enraged and decided to leave due to the fact that I fucking hate 2 faced people. I hate people that fucking lie to me. Then my ex decides to run after me and tries to apologize. Fuck that. I told her to get away from me and I walked home alone. While walking home I called my friend Liana again and she tell me the guy won't do anything to me but does want to know what happened. I had no choice but tell him what happened on Friday. They both eventually broke up because of me. Now I feel really regretful and I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. Today fucking sucked.

Breaking up and a Top Secret Session of EFF YOU ENN

Well I pretty much couldn't stay with her. I broke up with her. Ive never seen someone cry like her. I held her in my arms while she cried but I had to let go. I told her I would always be friends with her. She punched a whole in my friends wall which was uncalled for but she promised she would fix it. Afterwards, when she was better we went to a bicycle ride. Its called C.R.A.N.K. Mob and it happens " Once a year" but this one was "Top Secret". Its basically been 6 months since the last one but it had to go all top secret because some people that would go on the ride would ruin it for others. It was fun and all but I ended up busting up my leg going of a curb. I came home early, like around 12:30 but I was still awesome. Now eating my burrito al pastor I feel good. Well goodnight.

Teenagers, beers, drugs, love and saying bye to a friend

Basically today was the last day of the school semester which meant some people were going to transfer to a different school. Sadly,one of my closest friends decided to transfer. I met her back in 9th grade. They switched my homerooms so I was placed with her. I recall having a huge crush on her during 9th and 10 grade. We occasionally flirted back and forth in those years. I never hooked up with her because she thought I was going to be a dick to her. We settled as friends and I really became close to her. I said my farewell today even though I might see her once in awhile. I still felt she didn't have to leave. She is such a smart student and is someone everyone gets along with. I'll miss her.
So today I basically made a girl cheat on her boyfriend with me. It's funny because I also have a girlfriend. We basically both cheated on our relationships. I don't find it wrong or anything since I just kissed her. Fuck it I'm a damn teenager why the hell should I give a damn if I cheat on someone. I basically have a full life ahead of me. We shared a few kisses that's about it. Not like we had sex or anything because then that would be really messed up. We both have a secret thing for each other but we are both shy to admit it. It's childish but funny. She became nervous and wanted to break up with her bf and get with me but I told her to stay with him. It's funny because then I saw her with him and she gave me a look. Stupid teenager love.
Later in the evening my friend was throwing a gig for a few people. It was really good. Mostly filled with underage kids drinking 36oz beers and liquor. I drank a little bit of beer and some liquor since I'm a fan of whisky. I didn't get drunk because I wouldn't like getting home and getting caught with liquor in my breath. Some other people were smoking weed in the back, I was tempted to take a hit but I didn't. I'm currently on probation and I don't want to mess that up. Overall it was really great. Some grunge music followed by some Spanish Hard Rock. I just got home like an hour ago. I guess it was the right moment to begin writing in my blog. Goodnight.