Because you're mine...

I walk the line..

Race Day.

Race Day is coming up in a few hours. I don't feel like racing with my current ratio. 46x16 on a track bike is fucking terrible. I spin out so easily and get tired. Although hills are easy I tend to just cruise up them. Hopefully Ill be getting SRAM Omniums soon and ill be rolling on the casual 48x16. My birthday needs to hurry the fuck up.

School.

Gotta improve. Procrastination is getting to the best of me. I need to go to adult school. I'm basically fucking up by 5 credits. Now I have to write a paper on teen stress. Ironically, I'm not really stressing out but I really gotta start doing my work. Well I guess I'll start now with the help of Mos Def.

Macaframa

Still getting inspired to bomb hills..

Pushing everyone away..

Is the best thing to do. I don't see myself doing anything in life besides joining the military. Today I snapped on my mom because she wants me to go to college. I'm sick of hearing how my cousins this and that. I'm not them. I rather just join the army and get out of LA. Don't see hope for tomorrow nor the day after that. I feel like i'm doing the right thing by pushing everyone away.

Also known as Eyedea.

Today was shitty day. Only Eyedea can help...

The Real Perception of My Reality

"What I've realized over time is that no one really gives a shit. Do as much drugs and stupid shit before you die. It will be worth it because you'll eventually die alone."

Song of the Week.

Auditorium by Mos Def featuring Slick Rick.

Great song. Great Beat.

Cigarettes

Smoking has never looked so classy...

We are all

Fucked. We truly are. If you're reading this its because you're one of the people that will never get what you truly want. We thrive on the hope that will one day kill us. We all feel like we achieve something when we buy something that is replaceable. But when you realize you're dying and nothing can save you its because your time has come and all the bullshit you once chased for went to the gutter along with your life. You only have one life to live. Destroy as much as you can before it destroys you. - Edson Palucha.

English class.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for example,'The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance.' The night wind revolves in the sky and sings. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. Through nights like this one I held her in my arms I kissed her again and again under the endless sky. She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too. How could one not have loved her great still eyes. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her. To hear the immense night, still more immense without her. And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture. What does it matter that my love could not keep her. The night is shattered and she is not with me. This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her. My sight searches for her as though to go to her. My heart looks for her, and she is not with me. The same night whitening the same trees. We, of that time, are no longer the same. I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her. My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing. Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before. Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes. I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. Love is so short, forgetting is so long. Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her. Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer and these the last verses that I write for her. Pablo Neruda

Methods

Motivational music for this week. Charizma & Peanut Butter Wolf.

Possibly the best picture I've taken of myself.

Nirvana...

My favorite song from this album/live show. I wish I had Kurt's voice

Day 2

Finally kissed her :D. Making me think of her just gives me butterflies. Day 2 and life feels like its getting better

Day 1

And so it begins. A new chapter with a wonderful girl. Her name is Gina. She attends my school. What more can I say. She's super sweet. She's a gamer. She's beautiful. We both get nervous when we see each other. It feels like elementary school all over again when you'd see your crush from afar. She makes me feel like I'm 7 again. But just like I told her sister and her sister's boyfriend, "She makes me feel like drawing a cat with a crown riding on top of a unicorn that is vomiting rainbows and bacon."  I have a great feeling that she will truly make me happy. :D

So yeah...

This song sometimes comes up when I see her. Its weird. We both are extremely weird. She knows I like her and I know she likes me. I can't say anything to her cause I get super shy. She's really sweet. She even went to the bike racks to say hi to me. Tomorrow I know she'll make me smile and once again this song will pop into my head.

I need to try harder...

"So ASK me, ASK me, ASK me
ASK me, ASK me, ASK me
Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb
That will bring us together"

Daily Routine

Everyday is a daily routine. Its actually very nice tho. No problems. Mornings. School. After school with friends and hiding from a certain someone just because I'm shy to say hi to her. God, i'm such a pussy. Oh well here is a song by Animal Collective.

Sunday...

Sunday comes alone again
A perfect day for a quiet friend
And you - you will set it free
I see new morning round your face
Everybody says its another phase
And now - now it's come to me
See the magic in your eyes
I see it come as no surprise
And you - you turn your eyes away
Yeah you - you turn it all away
I guess it's true it's never too late
Still I don't know what to do today
Oh why - can't I set you free?
Will you - do the same for me?
Sunday comes and sunday goes
Sunday always seems to move so slow
To me - here she comes again
A perfect ending to a perfect day
A perfect ending, what can I say?
To you - a lonely sunday friend
With you - a sunday never ends"

Failure and Success

The Failure: my bicycle ride. It was just about 6 riders that went to Long Beach and back.

The Success: Right now im basically beyond blown. I'm really beyond stupid. I smoked with my friend John. I really don't know exactly whats going on. Someone should probably text me right because I am possibly beyond knowing whats my name. Well just letting you know. When my rides are shitty and tend to get really fucked up. Well goodnight im probably find out how to sleep.