Bittersweet..

I've found some old letters. Letters in my iPhone that make me feel nostalgic. It takes me back to the beginning of the year. I don't know what to make up of these letters. I used to read them, smile, and fall asleep. Now they keep me awake just thinking about them. I'm slowly finding my life harder to live. I don't see myself in 20 years nor in 5. I wake up expecting not to have a great day but a rather boring shitty day. Gina makes me smile at least. I've grown a little bit detached from the past week but slowly we've been seeing each other. I wish she could cheer me up more. I guess she should just talk to me often instead of me doing the talking. Shayna's texts message are slowly fading. Today she blew up my phone with a ton of meows. Made me smile in 6th period. She knows me too well yet we are still strangers. Grisel is not really helping either. The only girl I trust besides my gf is having the best time of her life. Great seeing her recover from how she was a month ago. I tried my best to cheer her up and it worked. Manfredo is still Manfredo. Always saying the world is going to shit and he is gonna join the army so nothing much has changed. Track cycling is getting scarier. I've been drinking heavily on the weekends. Nothing bad, only for my liver. 2011 was a changing year for me I guess. Leaving Midnight Ridazz, finding love, fighting depression and finally rebuilding myself. I guess I'll just try not to think about life now and get some rest.

So like...

I made a tumblr due to Shayna convincing me good enough. I feel like a damn dirty hipster now. I'll probably use the blogspot as a journal. Well basically everything has been the same. Didn't celebrate thanksgiving but I did go to Black Friday like a boss. Got myself 2 shirts (Odd Future and Nirvana) and a brand spankin' new plasma. Didn't even make a long fucking line for it. Then we hit up Denny's at 5 am with my friend Esoj and my mom. Yesterday, I went riding with my friends Joseph, Eddie, Ruby, Nena, and Jessica. Finished off 6 4 lokos with them and got drunk. Got home at 2 am thinking my dad would be sleeping. Instead, I find him drunk drinking whiskey and listening to Pedro Infante, Jose Alfredo Jimenez and Leonardo Favio. I was gonna knock out and try to act all cool until he offered a bottle of Jack. Fuck. So we drank and sang until I knocked out like at 5. Now I have a massive fucking hangover. Its been a good week.


Those who want to follow me on tumblr here is my url: elpalucha.tumblr.com.

Vagabond (Pt.2)

I kinda like the acoustic version better.

Na, na-na, na-na, na-na, this charming man ...

I always say have no regrets. Ironically, I sometimes can't follow my own philosophy..

Gaining.

I'm gaining weight. Excessively. I eat like a pig now. Depression got me down to weigh 130. I now weigh about 163. I started lifting weights. My fucking arms hurt like hell. So do my legs. I know the Velodrome is gonna work me out eventually but hey I'm getting back in shape. Protein Shakes, Bicycles and Weights. Good lifestyle.

Indifference...

Sometime people should take life more simple. Be indifferent about everything. Don't care about anything. My teacher kicked me out today and she was so surprised when I got up and walked out. Showed me a lot about life. I ain't in trouble and I really don't mind. So yeah. Be Simple. Stay Indifferent.

Philosophy..

S...

It's basically been 5 years or so. I remembered when I first met her back at Burroughs. After that a long gap of nothing. Recently, we started talking through Facebook. We started calling each other cool and stuff and little by little we started talking through text. Now I look forward to texting her and stuff. Getting a good morning and a goodnight. I haven't seen her yet she has become something important in my life. We've gotten to know each other throughout a social network and throughout blogs. I look at her Tumblr and she looks at my Blogger. Its funny because I trust this girl with my life and I haven't even seen her face to face yet I can't trust a damn kid at my school. Crazy how life can change when you start talking to a stranger...

11:11

I rode my bike. I wished for something. My past popped into my head but I must look forward. The world isn't beautiful but I should at least try to make things better while I still can. Same old depressing bullshit with my life.

The Thin Line...

There is a thin line between sanity and insanity. Many have crossed it yet don't recognize it. I've crossed it a few times with the help of alcohol and music. I tend to listen to The Smiths when I'm looking for answers. I wake up to Mos Def and feel like jumping off stuff with bicycle. I gather up speed. Bend my legs and jump. I cross the line without noticing it due to the excitement. But I do notice when i'm not on my bicycle. I listen to music and just gather up my emotions. My face looks emotionless. Its the moment when I want to attack anything in my way. 6'1 wearing a hoodie and a chrome bag with no emotion in my face. Not a good sign. I evaluate everything I see. I notice how ugly some people really are. I see the true colors. I predict what they will say when they see me or see their friends. Everything suddenly looks like a nightmare. People are aligning with what I believe they are gonna say or do. I begin to lose myself between reality. Time lapses occur. I'm hallucinating but I don't realize it until I've somehow gotten from the 5th floor to the 3rd. I slowly recall what happens. I blew off everyone I saw but didn't realize I was doing it until I finally get a grip on the perception of reality. I broke the thin line and fixed it. Like if it was just another day, I move and start over...

6 de Noviembre del 2011

Its my birthday in a few minutes. I'm getting old. I'd rather not celebrate it. Goodnight.

Gullible People

I hate them with a passion. My friend recently got hit by a car. He basically has fucked up both arms and his face. He is slowly recovering. The day he got hit I texted my ex because I knew they were close friends. I also texted a few other people close to him. The next day I get shit at school because people knew she was there and I was there with him. Seriously? Like damn I can't fucking be there for a friend. Same shit happened today. He tells me "ey dude lets kick it after school, so just come over." Since my tutoring got cancelled I decided to visit him. She was there again and once again like Monday I'm already getting shit. Seriously people. QUIT BEING FUCKING GULLIBLE. You people make me fucking sick.

After high school

I want to get as far away as possible. Leave LA and move up north. My options are San Francisco, Portland or Seattle. I love these cities. The culture is so different from LA. I really don't hope to stay here for anyone so it sucks if someone would actually want me to stay. I don't know how I will make it up there but somehow I will. Even if i'm stuck in a single apartment working 2 jobs and going to school. I want to achieve my dreams.

Fear and Loathing...