On the fucking brink

Right now I'm simply on the fucking verge of fucking shit up. I'm not the type of person that gets angered easily but right now if I had a fucking bat i'm pretty sure I'd go ape shit on my room. When people say fucked up shit to me after I care about them and all and they respond with some bullshit answer not giving a fuck that's when I get riled up. Right now, fuck human emotions. I far beyond reasoning with people right now.

Awkward day but it was Good.

I Can Have The Best Day Ever :D

But when I'm all alone in the darkness and the only thing with light is my computer it hits me.....hard.

Song of the Summer..

The only song I listen to every night before I go to sleep.

So far so good.

I had a great weekend especially after yesterday. Went to a party at Aglago and chilled with some old friends. I didn't drink a lot but it was still an awesome night. Now I'm stuck at the Oven (my house) just waiting for the night to come by. I got to give my cat a shower, the poor thing looks like its dying because of the heat. Either way I put some ice cubes in his water tray so he's good for the afternoon.

Song of the Motherfucking NIGHT!

Today was simply a good day. Life is awesome once again.

Tonight..

Time to get my party on!! Sunset Junction Festival is cancelled so everyone should head over to Aglago!

Cause I'll Tell You Everything About...

...living free.

Nostalgia...

"Nostalgia.
It’s delicate, but potent…
Teddy told me that in Greek, nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.
It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.
This device… isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine.
It goes backwards, forwards.
It takes us to a place where we ache to go again.
It’s not called the Wheel.
It’s called the Carousel.
It lets us travel the way a child travels.
Around and around and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved."

Alleycats

One of the few alleycat race videos that I love. These one is from the guys at MASH SF.

Pepinos!!!

The only person that stays up with me talking about life... She can get really fucking annoying at times but then again she's the only person that actually stays up to make sure I'm ok.  Really grateful to have someone like this in my life.

Freshmen Year...

If you haven't seen this video on my Facebook then you probably didn't know me too well freshmen year.

Velodrome....

So tonight I went to go watch some keirin style bicycle races at the Encino Velodrome with my friend Roger. But getting there was a battle. First off, I was still sore from yesterday's ride and now I had to ride to the "Devil's Nutsack" to see some races. First and last time I ever do the Cahuenga pass going to the valley. Yeah I've done the pass going to LA but going to the valley was way more difficult. I felt like throwing up halfway. It's all uphill plus the sun right above me made me feel so damn lightheaded. Roger of course being fast as always took off on me and left me a quarter mile behind. When I caught up we finally rolled together to the track. I finally had some breakfast at the track which consisted of 4 steak tacos and a shitload of sriracha hot sauce. Best damn tacos EVER! Either way I saw some few races here and there. Rooted for my friends and left around 10. Rolled to the metro station and then home. It really was a great day at the track. Feels great riding my bike...

The Bicycle Film Festival

My third year going. Tickets are going on sale today. Nothing but beer, food and bicycle shorts. This year I'm really excited to see the Wolfpack Hustle: Crash The Marathon video and Los Angelopes by Richie. Hopefully I can have a buddy to go with me cause it really sucks sitting in the theater alone. Lets see how this BFF goes.

For more info on the Bicycle Film Festival or to purchase tickets visit: http://www.bicyclefilmfestival.com/

Tuesday Night Track. The Second Ride.

Tonight was pretty good. 17 Miles in under and hour. There were a lot of riders in the beginning of the ride but most of them bailed just 2 miles into the ride. After hitting Los Feliz it was all flat. It was a miracle I was actually in the second pack. The first pack actually waited at a local CVS and from there on we all rode together. Almost got hit by a car on Pasadena Ave along with my friend Edgar. Both of us overshot the turn. As a pack we all hustled to Downtown and made a right on Temple. Took off on everyone going up the damn hill. Right when I reach the top my stomach gets cold and I'm out of breath. Then while going down the hill I get dropped. A small pack that consisted of my friends Rudy, Robin and some other guy tried to catch up but we kept getting stopped at lights. We finally made it to the finish line which was at Orange 20 bikes (which is also the start). After the ride we went to Gran Burrito. Had a taco and a coke. Felt like puking. We talked about the days when we were in the Boys and Girls Club which is now a recreation center in Echo Park. Then we called it a night and went our separate. Till next Tuesday..


The Route for Tonight: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=5030728

The light is still there...

"And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine"

In my opinion its one of the best dark love songs out there. Yeah its the most played song of The Smiths but it's still really good...

Goodnight..

Strangers In The Night...

(sigh) On nights like today this song gets stuck in my head. The only thing I can think about is dancing this in Vegas..

Being Immature

Some people really know how to fucking grind my gears. Like people really think that EVERYTHING I say over Facebook is really how I am. It pisses me the fuck off. Yeah its Facebook but I'm not going to be putting how I exactly feel at the moment. Some people just need to grow the fuck up and understand a joke...

"And "love" is just a miserable lie"

Fell in love with this song today :D I think its now my favorite song from The Smiths.

Sunday Morning Mugshot.

I couldn't sleep last night so I woke up at 6. So far it's been 2 hours on this computer. Nothing better than to be on stumbleupon. I tried looking for my mugshot but that failed after I realized that juvenile records are kept hidden. Now I'm just here staring at my cat trying to play with a ball or something. Its too dark around here so I can't really see. I wish it was 12 already. I need to fix a flat tire on my bike! Hopefully, I can survive this Sunday without boredom.

So today..

Sucked. Yeah I was having a great day till some little issue ruined the day. I've realized that some people have severe trust issues. I guess I'm whatevers about it now. Women like to believe whatever the fuck they want to believe.

I Got Sick of Odd Future...

So I upgraded...

Realizations at 4 AM

You really come into terms with life when you're all alone. Knowing you're still living does feel great but knowing everyone else is sleeping doesn't. I tend to evaluate my life at this time. Its 4am and my thoughts aren't about going to sleep. Just me here, planted in front of a screen writing my thoughts. I keep thinking my life is like a video game. Of course, I can't use cheat codes but I do know the shortcuts and walk through to it. I begin to realize the patterns of people's emotions and how they begin to act against others. I realize how ugly some people really are and how they manipulate human emotion to get what they want. I see how teenage girls post pictures of themselves to get their friends approval just because their self-esteem is in the gutter. How teenage boys talk about how big their penis is and how they can get girls yet you can easily tell they masturbate themselves to sleep. One thing I never understood is why everyone is beginning  to look like a replica of someone else. Snap back hats and V-Necks are in but it looks like most of these guys have no class. I rather dress in suit than look like someone else. I wonder how these kids can sleep at night knowing they are just something superficial. I wonder how it would feel to wake up and realize that everyone looked just like you. It's sad waking up knowing you lived in a generation where nothing good was made. Where one day I'll look back and spit in the face of what was my past. It's really sad to see that we are all slowly rotting.

Today was no Biggie

I guess I had another decent day. Went riding for about an hour. Im really out of shape now and im skinner than ever -_-. Well today I began to listen to The Notorious B.I.G. again. Last time I heard him was in the beginning of the year. I guess today was a good day. Not great but it was good.

Fate..

"Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him"


The better version of "The Killing Moon". I remember once I heard it for a whole hour just playing it back to back. Great song.

Decent day.

Day started slow as always. Wasn't expecting much. So in the afternoon I decided to hangout with some friends at their shop. We just chilled there. I played some Metal Gear Solid while they played with their Nintendo 3DS. Then we went over to their house to play some Star Wars Battlefront and some Red Dead Redemption. Got dropped off home and now im here. Decent day....

Tyler, the Creator...

It's a cold cold world...

Seeing people break up really is a mystery to me. Seeing their responses is more different. Everyone now puts everything through a social network. Of course, Facebook is always the first option for everyone.. Every time someone posts that they break up, I tend to see people commenting by saying "no way" or "message me" so on and so forth. What I never see is honesty. No one is going to tell you the reality of the situation. Everyone just expects you to find out by yourself. Think about this. Why do you need to comment on someone's relationship status trying to cheer them up. Just be honest with them. Tell them its a cold world and that they are alone. Its the only truth. No one can change your relationship status with a few words like "you'll get better" or "its fine". That's all bullshit because in the end of the night that person is crying their mind out. Everyone is always alone....

The Summer Man...

"When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen he’ll tell you how he got there, how he forgot where he was going, and then he woke up. If you listen he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel, or dreamt of being perfect, and then he’ll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn’t perfect. We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had."- Don Draper

Motivation

"Clenched fists held above me
You will never bring me to my knees
I said clenched fists held above me
You will never bring me to my knees
You'll get what you deserve"

One of my loves...

I met her the first day of school. Jeans. Converse. A black shirt with messy hair. She was a loud mouth. Annoying as FUCK! I had her for my advisory class and English so i'd see her in the mornings.. Over time we would argue so damn much over religion and other stuff. She'd always wear this ninja turtles shirt and a backpack that would be written all over it. I remember she had an obsession with Andy Warhol so she would make fun of me cause of my hair. I was becoming interested in this girl. She was funny yet annoying at times. She would really REALLY piss me off. Slowly we became close friends. We would listen to System of a Down and A Day To Remember during lunch and we would cause commotion in our new advisory class. I've been through hell and back with her. There have been weeks that we wouldn't talk to each other yet we would eventually patch things up. In the end this amazing woman became my best friend. She has been someone that has influenced me, been there for me and the only woman I can trust when the world is against me. I truly love Liana Perez (as a friend).

ArtWalk

Every second Thursday of the Month. Went to Moca. There was a lot of Warhol everywhere. Went to Angels Knoll to have a great view of LA. Went throughout Downtown to find different galleries... Ended up at Pershing Square watching a band play. Then I went home. Basically it was a good day. :D

Sheets of Empty Canvas...

My favorite Pearl Jam song. The lyrics always get to me.. I guess on nights like today..

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine"

Another LOOOONG Day.

Yep, Stuck at home. Nothing to write about really. I planned out to go to San Francisco if anyone would be interested. I'm thinking of the Amtrak there. Celebrate New Years with a few friends. As for now, I have to start saving money. Hopefully everything goes as planned and Ill have an amazing year. Ill probably post a song before I go to sleep. Till then..

In Other Words..

After a long day I'm going to bed. Lovely moments and shitty moments but ending the day good.

Goodnight.

Why Am I Not Surprised.....

Of the same shit that happens everyday. I guess I'm getting used to it already. I guess the world does really revolve around bullshit but its ok. Ill just keep it to myself. Hold it in. Show No Emotion. Show No Mercy.

I have a thing.

For music of the past....

Boredom...

So here's a not so well known band with a not so well known song.

She was in a red dress..

One of the few songs that make me happy. It reminds me of February, red dresses, text messages at 4 am, and looking down from the 4rd Floor of my school and spotting someone with a striped dress. Today was a good day.

I can try as much as I can but in the end..

\

And its true. I know you read this. So this one is for you. I can say I'm over you and I moving on but in the end I'm still here. Its the real truth. On Facebook I can be so fake yet here is where I publish the real life of me and this is how I TRULY feel. I hope one day you can understand that. I can give up on everything in my life but not on you. I still love you..

The Longest Walk

I had to leave my friends birthday party. Even though they had a jumper and all I felt really down. Especially all the lovey dovey couples there I slowly felt shitty. I just got home from there but that was the single most longest walk ever. I listened to Nirvana on the way home. Three songs. "All Apologies", "Come as You Are" and "You Know You're Right."  Today was a terrible day...

All Apologies

So I kept waking up. I would turn over and fall asleep but I would wake up 10 minutes later. For some reason I had to wake up. My mind kept passing All Apologies by Nirvana on my mind. Like if I HAD to listen to it. Well now that I'm awake I actually listened to it. For some reason it made my day somewhat brighter. Well either way today is one of my friends birthday and its always been a tradition of her to get a jumper. Time to perform some wrestling moves and whoop some ass.

Anxiety...

Anxiety hit me today. For some strange reason while watching Limitless. Lost my breath, my pupils dilated and my stomach began to churn. So fucking weird of me. But for some reason I started listening to Johnny Cash and it went away... Such a strange night...

Even Shadows Have Shadows

Best song of Eyedea. I simply love it...

Going Through My iPod.... Another long day.

 Terrible fucking day. 3 hours of sleep because I had difficulty breathing. Yeah I spent It hanging out with my close friend but it really sucked. I went through my iPod. I played at least 1 song from every artist... I tried to find something to please me and get my mind off of things but nothing helped. Today has to be one of the single most shittiest days of my life. No disrespect towards my friend but it really.... Well it was for me.. Emotionally.

All Alone

Simple yet beautiful. We're all alone....

Note to Self.

Don't ever fall in love. Never do it. In the end everyone gets hurt. Everyone suffers. All the time you spent loving someone will vanish and they will fuck you over to get with someone else for the benefit of their own happiness...

Rediscovering Myself...

After a long day of spiritual trips educed by psychedelics and 3 hours of meditation I've found myself. Today I saw how ugly people really are. How Love and Hate are just a grasp from each other. How people follow ignorance to make themselves feel better. How fake anyone can be through different social networks.Today I saw how ugly everyone truly is, including myself... You're all fucking ugly.

A Spiritual Ride....

I woke up today. Felt like another day in LA. Got on my computer. Ate breakfast... I watched When You're Strange. It was a movie about the Doors. Mostly on Jim Morrison. Poetic yet obnoxious he is one of the influences of my life. Listening to the narration of Johnny Depp in the background I saw how Jim was like. How he suddenly changed when he became the lead singer of the Doors. How he became from being a shy person who would show his back to the audience to a drugged out singer who would jump around on stage. His life was a mystery. Mood Swings. Heavy Drinking. Depression. Acid. Things I've experienced in my life.Once the movie finished I felt a little different. Like I had to reevaluate my life. I put on some clothes. Grabbed my bicycle and my iPod. Went through my iPod and put on the song End of the Night. Slowly the first doors album was syncing to my bicycle ride. I couldn't feel my legs. Nor my arms. I couldn't hear the cars. Only the voice of Jim. When I reached Sunset Boulevard my favorite song came on. It was "The End". I got off my bicycle on Micheltorena. I walked along a passageway that would lead to some stairs. Two homeless men sat there. Flies scattered everywhere. Before I took my first step, one of them reached their hand out and said "champion, champion" in Spanish..... I continued my journey. I was surrounded by bushes and trees going up these stairs. I felt my heart beat throughout my body and the powerful voice of Jim echoing through my ears. As if I was nothing in this world. I felt trapped inside my body and the only way out was through reaching the end of this endless staircase... I reached the top, grabbed my bicycle and went down the block. I reached my destination and had a flashback. The first time I saw this view was with my friend. She showed me that view about a year ago... I stayed there for 5 minutes. The song was finishing and I went down  the hill. Reaching speeds of 35 on a steep downhill with nothing in front only a few bump was daring of me. I could have flipped over and busted my head. I finally reached the bottom. Sunset Boulevard again. I rolled through Echo Park. Went around the closed lake and remembered all the memories I had there. Remembering how I would go to the MoM Ridaz rides just to earn my patch and enter their club. That was 2009. I passed through Second Street Tunnel and made a right on Hill. Got off my bike before 4th Street and climbed up another long set of stairs... I was at Angels Knoll. I sat down on a bench and watched the city below me. I got off and sat on the grass. Went through my iPod again and put "All Alone" by Mad Season. My ex texted me. I told her where I was. She didn't text back. I sat there. Alone. It was just Los Angeles and me. All I could think about is how my life has changed. How I grew up to be me. I thought about the philosophy that surrounds me and the people that I care about. 4:30. I pick myself up. Grabbed my bike and left towards the exit. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I find Olive street and take off. I passed by my elementary school only to remember when I was young. The prime time of my life. I was 9. School was fun. No priorities. Everyday was awesome... Those days are gone. Continued riding.... I reached my favorite local bicycle shop. Pumped up my tires to the max and left. I passed by my old friends house. He was a brother to me. His own ignorance pushed him away from me. After seeing his girlfriend with another man he thought I was lying. I spent ours helping him out. But he decided to take her side and push me away. Ungrateful he became. I rode on. I was on the finishing strip. Normandie Avenue. So much history. So much time spent waiting for the bus. Waiting for my friends. Buying food nearby. I was in my home territory. I knew I was safe. I reached my house. I finally realized I was me. I checked my texts. Still nothing. Got in the shower. Cold water is all I could feel. All these moments, dust, fragments that I collected on my ride today was spiritual to me. But like everything. It will slowly be forgotten....

Can't sleep.

I wrote something to her today. Something long. I really don't know why I did it but I believe it was the right thing to do. As if it just popped into my head. Its about to be 5 am. For some reason I am actually happy. Seems like the sun is about to appear, people will soon wake up, kids with good outside and Ill just go to rest.. Goodnight.

Being a smart slacker and getting the fuck out of LA

So my letter about Senior Year has finally arrived. Its funny because I really don't give a shit. I've been a slacker since 9th grade and I've passed my classes. Shit I even had 5 F's before my last report card but I pulled off a 3.4 G.P.A. on the actual report card. I'm not stupid. People think I am just cause of my low grades year round. But the reality is all these kids stress out on doing homework and kissing ass in order to do great in school yet when they graduate they plan on going to shitty colleges like LACC, SMC, PCC and so on. I plan to get the fuck out of LA. All my life I've been living in this city so I want to get out. Explore other cities with my bicycle aside and anyone who would want to join. Time to progress in live without stressing out.

Goodnight with some Grunge.

For those who didn't know im deep into grunge music. Bands like this make my days better or make them worse. If I could live in a era it would be the early 90s. I just simply love grunge. Goodnight.